"Unfortunately, Father, you don't answer to me"

...said Deputy Chief Brenda Johnson to a priest whose zeal for social justice passed on to one of his civics students. This student, wooed by the apparent faith in God and assumed injustice of an inmate the class was following, was manipulated into orchestrating the death of an innocent classmate.

Today at work we spent eight hours training to learn to use a brand new pricing model. Such a program assumes and considers the cost of packaging and originating a loan (time spent by personnel, resources expended, systems utilized, etc), the pricing of relationship's deposits, and shows you how to make a profitable loan to customers. Such a model, like all formulas, shows some loans, especially at community banks, are simply not profitable-we actually sustain a loss on some. Does this mean such loans are not worth our time? Not in all cases. Small business, our own Maine Senator Olympia Snowe (who is the current Chairwoman of the Senate committee on Small Business and Entrepreneurship) says, is the backbone of the American economy. By national standards some of the loans we do are to "small business", but most of our clients are ultra small businesses. Without these entrepreneurs how would "small business" ever grow or get its start? Where we are a small Bank such dilemmas are well addressed - some small loans will never be profitable but that will not prevent us from offering stellar service to our customers, whatever their loan or asset size.

Accountability.

The priest, whose claim, "I had not idea Kendall was involved in this way!", prompted the quote that is the title for this blog. He was trying to regain the respect of the Deputy Chief, who had been skeptical of his zeal. Brenda's observation of the priest's chain of command is a sobering one. It is true that the priest did not committ any crimes. His conscience still prompted his vocal claim of innocence. Why is this? I think our conscience is a very helpful tool. If we are bothered by something, chances are we should take notice.

I am in the middle of the Divine Conspiracy (essential reading for any thinking Christian) and Dallas is discussing the Sermon on the Mount. Ok - let me be more specific. Dallas is describing the evidence and attributes of a Kingdom heart in one of Christ's followers. Whereas the Jews were blessed with the law and prophets, Christ has played one-upsmanship with the law in his Sermon on the Mount. The Christian is meant to be transformed from within - "the law will be written on their hearts" he says. This is essential to our faith. Certainly the priest is sobered by the truth of the situation wherein one of his parishoners was murdered - and perhaps he ought to be. He has not broken any law per se - certainly not any civil laws. His conscience, however, informs him that he had some reponsibility.

Business people are warned to not "give away the bank." This was the thrust of our seminar today. Senior management is responsible to the board and stockholders for the profitability of the bank. If we are giving away the bank there is something wrong. Let me rephrase - if we are giving away the bank indiscriminately (without good reason) then there are some loan officers who shouldn't be officers anymore. The first step, however, is KNOWING whether our loans are priced to return a profit - hence the model.

If, as Christ says, we have the "law written upon our hearts," why is society not experiencing revival? Ok, lets be more narrow - why is the Church not experiencing revival? If the bank had the model but paid no attention to it, what would happen? It may succeed, it may not (after all - the bank is nearing its hundredth anniversary, so it hasn't "sufferred" without it). Even if we did put the model into use, what if Managment has not properly maintained the assumptions the model uses? What if our cost of putting together a loan increases and they don't update the model? We will be thinking our loans are more profitable than they really are.

The same is true of us. Our inner compass (if you will allow me to mix metaphors -the inner compass=model) is not helpful if we don't know what to call the direction the needle is pointing. We have similar results if we do not consult our inner compass.

Food for thought anyway. Thanks to TNT's "The Closer" for prompting my deep thought for the day.

Possible blog comment topics:

Evangelism
Missions
Psychological/Sociological reflections on the conscience
and many others

Maybe I will do some more blogging on this course, but I still have to get to Katie's question of another metaphor. I recommend you visit her site (insert hyperlink here - oops, don't know how. Darn it. https://beta.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=18246136&postID=640658842780183733 is the url) to read about that fascinating topic.

Yay!

Turns out I didn't give my notice for nothing! Asbury thinks they want me to come next fall. I think I will accept!

Off somewhere else at the moment...

Come visit my friend's blog here. We are discussing signs of a healthy church. Great topic, intelligent comments/commenters - what could be better?

For God and Country

This blog post is a comment from another blog that got carried away. Refer to this page for the blog titled "greg boyd"

I am on board with Mr. Boyd. The "God and Country" sentiment was manufactured by perhaps well-meaning politicians who needed to gain support for war (although I am not vain enough to say which way, although I would dare say it was in the last century since it was the only era with mass media).

I immediately think of the apostles' reactions to Jesus' announcement at the last supper that he would be betrayed and killed. Still at this point Jesus was thought of as a political liberator. How would Jesus liberate his people by allowing himself to be killed? The answer is just as Greg Boyd claims - the Kingdom Jesus brought was not of this world.

Why should we, then, claim our position as Christian, be we liberals or conservatives? It is almost like swearing an oath. I am known to be a Christian by my family and friends and therefore do not need to swear I will perform any certain act. "I swear I will bring a tuna noodle casserole to our next game night." Such an assertion is not necessary.

If we are claiming our position is the only Christian position we have just seated ourselves on the throne of Biblical interpretation. And the very nature of a throne is that only one may occupy it. Quite a vain thing to assert.

Furthermore, the link to the video supplement on the NY Times link clandestening gives us shows an interview of a former parishoner at Boyd's church. He left in protest to the sermon series Boyd preached on the Cross and the Sword. This parishoner says he left because he could not participate in a church where his beliefs were being taught against. This fellow heard, from Boyd's sermons, a call to disengage from politics - to stop voting and seclude himself.

Such a reaction merely validates Boyd's point. We are so indocrinated, especially in evangelical circles, to value God and Country (the USA exclusively) that we are offended when we hear someone claiming to be a Christian who disagrees with us politically. Boyd, I believe, would not encourage his parishoners to disengage from public life. He would say "get to the Kingdom work" by joining with other sensible people of like mind (no matter their religious or political affiliation). Do NOT, however, claim you are representing Christianity in your particular circle of influence.

Judging Erik

I have been Tivoing Judging Amy for a few months now. There are two episodes on each day on TNT (We Know Drama). I have really enjoyed listening to the liberal (yet well meaning) writers address issues they see in society.

Today's first episode was the series finale. Amy has had six years on the bench working her magic with creative sentences for "delinquent" juveniles. Creative sentences based on the assumption that children who have gone wrong so early deserve a second chance to prove their potential. In recent episodes Amy has been working directly with a fifteen year old gang girl abandoned by her mother. Amy has been supervising Graciella's rehabilitation and encouraged by her progress. Graciella was betrayed, however, by a witness to a crime she was implicated in and later sent to adult detention where she was killed by an opposing gang member. This death was the last straw for Amy, who has become disillusioned with the lack of public support for programs to rehabilitate juvenile offenders. A political strategist hired to find a crusader for juvenile justice reform has been courting Amy and with the Graciella incident, Amy is ready to fight for change. Amy marches up to Capitol Hill and delivers the speech that will set her on the national stage and pave the way for a Senate seat race.

I am acutely aware of symbolism the past few weeks. Here we have a woman embarking on a crusade for a cause she knows well and can see the weaknesses in. Certain life events (open doors, if you will) have her questioning her degree of change effectiveness in her current role and finding mounting affirmation of her potential to effect change to a greater degree in a new role.

I asked a trusted pastor friend whether a pastor should have pet issues, a chip on his or her shoulder. I had been under the impression that a minister of the gospel should not have an axe to grind in order to be the most effective minister he or she could be. This pastor friend said that the crusading pastors were the most effective. They are motivated. They have been burdened with a specific ill within the church. No one can effect change like the person who has been exposed first hand to the destructive power of a warped relation to God.

Something is on the horizon.

God has been using situations this week to prepare me for a change and I can sense the precipice below. Uncharted, demanding territory is ahead.

Simple Gifts

Simple Gifts was written by Shaker Elder Joseph Brackett, Jr. in 1848. It was first published in The Gift to be Simple: Shaker Rituals and Songs. Simple Gifts was a work song sung by the United Society of Believers in Christ's Second Appearing (more commonly called the Shakers, an offshoot of the Quakers).

'Tis the gift to be simple,
'tis the gift to be free,
'tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
It will be in the valley of love and delight.

SATISFIED
Author: Clara T. Williams, 1858-1937
Musician: Ralph E. Hudson, 1843-1901

All my life long I had panted
For a draught, from some clear spring,
That I hoped would quench the burning
Of the thirst I felt within.

Refrain:
Hallelujah! I have found Him
Whom my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies my longings,
Thro' His blood I now am saved.

Feeding on the husks around me,
Till my strength was almost gone,
Longed my soul for something better,
Only still to hunger on.

Poor I was, and sought for riches,
Something that would satisfy,
But the dust I gathered round me
Only mocked my soul's sad cry.

Well of water, ever springing,
Bread of life so rich and free,
Untold wealth that never faileth,
My Redeemer is to me.

My boss called me into his office yesterday. I told him a few weeks ago that I intended to leave my position to attend Seminary next fall and that some "irons were in the fire" with regard to other ministry related jobs I was pursuing. He has been a commercial lender all of his adult life, my boss, so he likes to call shots and control risk. He told me to give it a month - look into these other "irons" and consider whether this is a clear calling or a passing conviction.

Yesterday, though, he wanted to fast track. Word had reached him (for some strange reason the umpteen people I have told I am leaving the Bank were unable to keep their little mouths shut - can you believe? ) With the rumor mill churning about us, we reset the month to expire this friday. This friday my boss will tell his boss and then there would be no turning back. At this point lots of wheels are in motion which make it hard to turn back, but once the boss's boss knows it would be very hard to turn around.

The conversation went something like this: "In a solid, growing bank like we have there are very good possibilities for people like you. I have a healthy portfolio to leave to my successor and it is reasonable to assume that the person who manages this portfolio could go on to be very valuable to the bank. A six figure income is not out of the question - and that is without considering the senior management possibilities. Good Christians find themselves in jobs working for a living and still being ministers. They can also, in that circumstance, provide well for a growing family and secure a healthy nest egg for retirement. Think this over and we'll talk again Friday."

My boss, as is evident, is a really good Christian fellow. He means well. We are, after all, instructed to:

26"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sistersyes, even his own lifehe cannot be my disciple. 27And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

28"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it?

Luke 14:26-28 (New International Version)

New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

My boss means well and perhaps is taking a paternal role in his delays, but he is instructing me to do something all Christians are commanded to do. Being a Christian on this earth has its costs. And if being a Christian has its costs then I am sure a vocational minister has costs to count as well.

My life has been torn between being comfortable and treating myself to luxuries (queen size bed for one, Lincoln in the driveway, already bought and sold a house, etc.) but where does that get a person? They are things which are not evil of themselves, but I have a way with my compulsive personality to pervert things which are of themselves perfectly harmless. It is about time my life centered around my impact for God's Kingdom while on earth rather than making sure my stay here is comfortable and easy.

There are some people whose gifts make them best suited for particular vocations. To me, I will have been the best little Kindgom worker if I put myself to work doing that which no one else could ever do quite the same way I could. And I may be a perfectly suitable commercial banker, I may even excell at lending, but it is not going to employ my spiritual gifts.

People with burdens (and all Christians have them) need to count the cost, bear up under the load and walk.

I have been more than satisified with my relationship with the creator. I aim to help the Church find that satisfaction and the freedom Kingdom-living gives.

It IS a gift to "come down where we ought to be" but there is also a gift in the dissatisfaction that spurs you on to the next place God leads you.

Quit 'yer bellyaching

Below I am going to paste most of my seminary application essay. This essay was the bane of my existence for some weeks until I actually sat down to write it. How relieving to have it completed! I have talked with some of you out there about this essay so I thought I would post it here. I found some things out about myself while writing it, so I would say the exercise was worth the torture.

I recently began working with the pastor at the United Methodist Church where I have been attending on a Lay Speaking ministry program. This program is forcing me to wrestle with questions I have pondered for quite a few years now. Similar to the Wesleyan Churchs guide to preparing for ministry, this program begins with a discussion of the call on a persons life. The CALL. The words almost haunt me.

I was raised in a wonderful Christian family in an independent Baptist church and have always felt a responsibility to the Lord with my life, conduct and values. I was saved as a four or five year old child at my bedside with my mother and have felt, like many people saved at an early age, both that I was too young or that my testimony was somehow less valuable because I wasnt saved from out of the gutter of sin. A few rededications at campmeetings and good counseling sessions from various pastors later, I found my faith firmly rooted. My senior year of High School, in the thick of college plans and applications, I found myself at an Aaron Jeoffrey concert at a church in my hometown. The music was fine, but the part that sticks with me was the attitude and testimony of the two men who comprise the group. A loving, dynamic relationship with the Lord could exist without making a person irrelevant to society, which I found my Baptist church often was. With this experience I knew I was searching for a Christian College that would give me a solid musical training.

At Houghton College I found many fantastic things: serious academic scholarship, a pursuit of holiness, a dynamic Christian community and a conservatory quality musical program. My second year I was so taken by my theology professors and the richness of faith that I found with this study that I changed my B.Mus. major to double BAs one in Music and the other in Religion. Four years were up all to fast and, because I was so far in to my B.Mus. degree, I needed to complete some two or three courses. I returned home to Northern Maine to finish these courses because the hundreds of resumes I had sent all over the country had not produced any posts where I could minister while attending school to complete my degree.

I completed these courses and in 2003 I was a graduate of Houghton College. Another batch of resumes was dispatched with the same result-no leads. The door was considered closed and so I began searching for other means of employment. I soon found myself in a bank performing credit analysis on commercial borrowers and then took a job at a different bank as a Commercial Loan Officer.

It is at this point in my life that I find myself trying to discern a call, my call, and whether it exists. My current employment is challenging but not rewarding in the way I had hoped my life-long vocation would be. I have entertained all sorts of positions in banks and in many other business environments and found each would be the same. Some sort of social work perhaps would provide me with a better sense of lasting vocational value, but I wonder if that would even fulfill my desire that my vocation would have some special sort of impact.

At a wedding in February of this year I met up with an old Houghton professor. He was actually the professor whose class had convinced me to change my major. He asked what I was doing and, when I told him I was working in a bank, said, You arent a teller, are you? His subsequent encouragement regarding my past performance in school and gifts and talents he had observed shook open the door of doubt that had been closed by a life of relative ease and comfort; was I on the best path I could be?

And so here I am. A professor and countless friends telling me my discomfort and dis-ease with my current vocation must be related to an impending change of direction. Open and closed doors have brought me to this place of uncertainty and the next step, it would seem, is a seminary education. Having come from a Baptist upbringing to a Wesleyan College and recently a UMC congregation, Asbury seems a good fit and I am in full agreement with the Ethos statement, statement of Educational mission and statement of Faith.

The specific context of my call, if I have one, is one of discipleship. Although I have a gift for and educational background in music, it is not itself an end but a means. I have found that most churches I have been blessed to be part of do not have a way of ensuring believers are matured through mentorship, worship and academic pursuit. My own experience lacked this, in fact, and perhaps this is why I feel a particular mission in discipleship. I believe corporate worship, tradition, rituals, service and learning are all beautiful things, but we are not as Christians called to any of these things specifically, rather, we are all charged to reach the nations with the gospel not a gospel of cheap grace or a gospel of an end-times insurance policy, but a gospel of the good news of Christs reign over sin, our deliverance from sin, and our freedom to realize the Kingdom of God on earth through our communities of faith.

Perhaps, to myself, even, I have just solidified my calls existence.

Houghtons motto or mission statement is to provide an academically challenging, Christ-centered education in the liberal arts and sciences to students from diverse traditions and economic backgrounds and equip them to lead and labor as scholar-servants in a changing world. I think this is a wonderful statement. to lead and labor as scholar-servants in a changing world. While at Houghton I certainly did find I was becoming a scholar-servant, or, at least, I was introduced to and came to admire those who were further along this path. I think this is precisely what Christ wants from us all. Perhaps we arent all called to be scholar-servants but we are all called to be servants. There is, after all, no higher calling than that of a servant.