US Cellular

My little cellular provider from home hit me with a massive roaming charge (only $111.00, I guess it could have been worse) so I will be sending them $150.00 shortly and hopping over to AT & T. So...how is it that a national plan has roaming charges, you ask? Beats me...

An African Creed

We believe in the one High God, who out of love created the beautiful world and everything good in it. He created man and wanted man to be happy in the world. God loves the world and every nation and tribe on the earth. We have known this High God in the darkness, and now we know him in the light. God promised in the book of his word, the bible, that he would save the world and all the nations and tribes.

We believe that God made good his promise by sending his son, Jesus Christ, a man in the flesh, a Jew by tribe, born poor in a little village, who left his home and was always on safari doing good, curing people by the power of God, teaching about God and man, showing that the meaning of religion is love. He was rejected by his people, tortured and nailed hands and feet to a cross, and died. He lay buried in the grave, but the hyenas did not touch him, and on the third day, he rose from the grave. He ascended to the skies. He is the Lord.

We believe that all our sins are forgiven through him. All who have faith in him must be sorry for their sins, be baptized with the Holy Spirit of God, live the rules of love and share the bread together in love, to announce the good news to others until Jesus comes again. We are waiting for him. He is alive. He lives. This we believe. Amen.

Called to God's Mission

(from the UM Hymnal, number 593 "Here I Am, Lord")

I, the Lord of sea and sky,
I have heard my people cry.
All who dwell in dark and sin
My hand will save.
I who made the stars of night,
I will make their darkness bright.
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord.
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord,
If you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people's pain.
I have wept with love for them.
They turn away.
I will break their hearts of stone,
Give them hearts for love alone.
I will speak my word to them.
Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord.
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord,
If you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

I, the Lord of wind and flame,
I will tend the poor and lame,
I will set a feast for them.
My hand will save.
Finest bread I will provide
'Till their hearts are satisfied.
I will give my life to them.
Whom shall I send?

Here I am, Lord.
Is it I, Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night.
I will go, Lord,
If you lead me.
I will hold your people in my heart.

KingdomTide

Apparently the school's Dean of the Chapel is responsible to produce a devotional for the ATS community's year. Today was the first day of classes so this is our first day of our KindgomTide Reader. Let me tell you - I am some impressed. Not sure if I have commented on him yet, but I will surely be talking about our Dean of the Chapel a good deal in the coming year. JD Walt is his name - our DotC and Vice President of Community Life. No doubt I would think as highly of Houghton DotC, Dr. Brittain, but I wasn't around the year he was hired.

This is the cover of our community devotional:


I will also be posting shortcuts to our Chapel services (video or audio) that I am sure readers would enjoy.

Warning - Motion may make one dizzy.

Since arriving in Wilmore I have had the feeling that I have been here before or at least that I am as at home here as anywhere I have ever been. The community and camaraderie are the same as I found at Houghton with one obvious difference: ATS students are called to vocational leadership within the Church. Houghton students would likely be leaders in the Church but may or may not have vocations of ministry.

This aura, the Spirit of God filling the air - it is a truly remarkable thing. I hesitated to address this since I have so many friends who ought to be here as much as me and who aren't, during this season, able to come to a place like Asbury. I have decided to break the silence.

How awesome God is! I have yet to sit in the Chapel or in a lecture (classes started today - yay!) and find that I am not touched by the Spirit - to the point of holding back tears. My God has at this time graced me with confirmation. Confirmation of my call, confirmation of His leading to this place. I have also been blessed to meet incredible professors and fellow students whose very presence speak of the goodness and witness of the Spirit.

Someone tell me if I am stealing this thought from someone. Sometimes as God brings you to the next step, phase or season you wonder if you have ever lived fully before. That is the sort of rapture that is in my soul as I am touched by the Spirit. Maybe that is CS Lewis...

Get Moving!

A car is easier to steer when moving. This is truth. I think we can also say this is true of our lives. In Revelation 3.16 God says to the church through John "So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

I went through a few physical ailments this spring - unusual for me - and was struck by a realization. Those ups and downs in faith I am accustomed to - often related to the vibrancy of my personal devotional time and corporate worship experiences - were related not so much to my active turning from evil things but turning TOWARD God. In those times I would find myself in bed for days on end sleeping and not spending time with God and, in the end, feeling just as empty and distanced from God than just after committing a sin I knew to avoid.

Such are our times of lukwarmness - neither hot nor cold. in our states of apathy we are useless to God. That is a bit of a stretch, I guess, since God uses people opposed to him in spite of themselves to accomplish His purposes, but why would a child of God settle to be used in spite of rather than with the Spirit? I don't think they rightly should.

The season I am beginning is one of motion. May God be the steerer and not me!

Ale-8-One

Moxie is to Maine as Ale-8-One is to Kentucky.

As Ted the Baptist says, "it is a ginger ale with a fruity twist."

No, this is not the promised blog. That will be forthcoming.

Pictures!

come visit http://picasaweb.google.com/irishtater for this and lots of other photos!

Finally in Wilmore!

After 15 months and some 1,322 miles I have arrived in Wilmore, the home of Asbury Theological Seminary (ATS)! The trip was absolutely perfect: no rain, sleet, hail, traffic to speak of, and I had three awesome visits with Toby and Erin, Reid and Rachel and Erika and Andy. God has blessed me with AWESOME friends perfectly spaced along the route to make the three day trip to KY manageable when driving by oneself.

More pics and reflection to come, but I am having trouble with the photo uploading.

Caprice Classic Nicknames

My sister and a few of my cousins have started a fun little game - come up with Caprice Classic Nicknames. I will share them below, but first - the story of how the first nickname came to be.

The g'rents (as Rene calls them) replaced the much beloved 1983 Lincoln Town Car in 1994 with a Caprice Classic from the same year. The Caprice wasn't the Town Car - it was big, yes, but it did not have the plush, velvety seats, the high pile carpeting, nor the rear-seat fold down arm rest all of us grandkids fought over sitting on to and from church on Sundays. It wasn't our favorite (although it was new and different), but it was Gramp's favorite.

In 2001 the g'rents decided it was finally time to trade cars. A local pastor had admired the Caprice and asked that he could purchase it for visitation work. When a replacement finally arrived (a nice new 2001 Aurora) the pastor purchased the car and went about his ministry. Reports of his pleasure with the roomy, comfortable, surprisingly easy-on-gas car trickled back to the family often. Gramp would reminisce - "we shouldn't have sold that car" he would say.

A few years (and by now well over 100,000 miles) later the pastor resigned his post in Northern Maine to take a church elsewhere. Gramp heard the news and immediately began thinking of his beloved Caprice. With the pastor leaving, he wanted it back. Sure enough - the Caprice and the Aurora were now back on the farm.

But not for long. Rene's mom (my aunt) needed a car she could depend on. After much salesmanship on Gramp's part (and I bet a little remorse as well) he sold Donna the car. It was during this time that Rene (I think) coined the phrase "church cruiser" after its job in its second life. Donna and Rene used the car just about up until the time they decided to move to Alabama when it was sold because it was no longer needed - Donna had replaced it with a Jeep.

And so it seemed the car was lost to the family forever. But forever did not last long. Gram was tired of listening to Gramp's comments about the Church Cruiser (or "the cruiser" as he still calls it to this day) so for Christmas 2005 Gram's present to Gramp was - you guessed it - his beloved cruiser. She had bought it from Donna as a surprise!

The next two years Gramp could be spotted on the Egypt Road early in the mornings headed to the horse barn in Presque Isle with his cap (just the same as his father Vernon in many black and white photos) in the cruiser. Whenever he headed to town it was in the cruiser. Not a squeak could it utter before he had it in the shop for repairs. The mechanics must think him a funny old guy to sink so much money into an old car. This spring he took it to the local community college where the students exercised their body work skills to take care of all the rust spots and repaint the exterior. This summer the car was used by a missionary family on furlow from Engalnd. Gramp was tickled by their pleasure with the cruiser - it is three to four times the size of their cars back in the UK, rides like a cloud and the AC still pumps good, cold air. The family really enjoyed using the big old car.

With this history you can see how special it was to have Gramp offer me the cruiser when I head to Seminary in just a few days. Chatting online with Rene and Dena this week has made me very excited to take a piece of family with me to school - especially a piece that means so much to Gramp.

And so began our fun game. Here is a list of the nicknames we have come up with so far...

Church Cruiser
Virtuous Vehicle
Holy Honey Wagon
Heavenly Hoopty
Pastors Prowler
Reverends Ranger
Concecrated Chariot
Sacred Smokah
Hallowed Hot Rod
Sacrosanct Sedan
Chaste Clunker
Just Jalopy

Thoughts On Worship

My Sunday school recently discussed worship in the course of our studies in a text geared for the new or young Christian. Much of our discussion, and the treatment in the text, centered on the historical perspective: what are the origins of the various forms of Christian worship practiced today? We discussed styles, elements and preferences. I was missing, however, one thing in this treatment of the subject by an otherwise stellar reference: Paul’s admonition to the church in Romans 12.1-2: “I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.” (NRSV) Certainly using just the word “worship” is not specific enough to indicate whether you are referring to a service of worship or the act—the noun or the verb. The title of the chapter was, however, “Learning to Put God First: Worship.”

Putting God first is a terribly difficult thing. In our time we are prevented by materialism and busy lives. Throughout history there have been other things to keep us from putting God first – in the middle ages it may have been the feudal system. At other times, and even in our time, the distraction has been basic survival – food, shelter and the like. Putting God first or loving Him supremely, Jesus tells us, is the most important commandment, followed on its heels by “loving others as ourselves.”

Are we able to love God and others more than ourselves? Can humans do such a thing? I think very few do. Some have – such as Mahatma Gandhi. He was certainly a self-sacrificing person. Think of his contribution to the world. Gandhi inspired many to follow his faith and promoted peace throughout the world. This sacrifice – was it prompted by love or by a set of values he espoused and would not compromise? Are the effects of his influence going to continue until the earth is destroyed and beyond? Holding unwaveringly to an ideal can be admirable, but I would argue the affects of his teaching and life will not outlast the earth.

Humans are not capable of loving others fully. How can we? Darwin argues that we are all in this thing called life to succeed and produce offspring who will succeed. Certainly we help others if there is someone is capable of returning the favor or we are indebted to another. But true self-sacrifice or agape love of ourselves? I don’t think so.

God wants His children to love others above themselves constantly. This happens to some extent in communities of faith. Children of God give of themselves to teach, minister, offer gifts or to aid financially in times of need for the sake of building the body. Other times these things happen but they do not come from a motivation of love. Things get done, but the joy in sacrifice is missing. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 13.3 “If I give everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.”

Watchman Nee’s sermons frequently assert that nothing offered to the Kingdom by way of the “outer man” or the flesh, mind or emotions cannot be effective at all. If we do something begrudgingly, Nee believes it will do no good for the Kingdom of God. In my conversations with thinking and faithful Christians through the years I have come to think that God can use offerings no matter their intention – He even used Pharoah and other leaders to display His glory (vessels for destruction). Why would we, as believers, by our attitute and motivations try to obstruct the work of the Spirit? Certainly we ought to make our work for the Kingdom participate with that of the Spirit rather than against it.

How does one ensure that the work we offer to the Kingdom is not tainted by us? For as Nee says, “Sooner or later a servant of God discovers that he himself is the greatest frustration to his work.” The answer – breaking the outer man. At the risk of sounding or being Gnostic in philosophy, I believe Nee’s practical treatment of a spiritual reality is beneficial. If we are broken God is able to use us as He intends. Our outer man does not hinder His work. Our spirit participates with the Holy Spirit in actual kingdom building. Our work cannot be tainted by poor motivation or even imperfection of delivery. Such a breaking of the outer man and release of the Spirit is a gift given at a proper time after quite a period of time for most believers. In my estimation, this period may parallel a period described by those in the Holiness tradition as progressive sanctification. During progressive sanctification the Spirit shows us areas of our life we were not aware were part of our end of the bargain. This progressive sanctification leads to a moment of entire sanctification, perhaps even this moment of breaking. This bargain I speak of is the one we made when we were saved – to offer ourselves as living sacrifices in exchange for eternal communion with the creator of the Universe – the only one who could satisfy our deepest longings.

Since I am a musician I am going to use my discipline to explore this particular application further. The Inner Game of Music is a work in the tradition of The Inner Game of Tennis. These are secular works to help the athlete or performing artist pull off a routine or piece under great stress. The authors describe the preparation, both technical and mental, required to ensure we do not choke under pressure. In very simplistic terms, these books teach a student to work so hard in preparation that they are able to let (in a rather passive way) their bodies do the performance rather than confuse it with a mind cluttered with instructions and techniques which cannot possibly be recalled in times of stress. Students are taught to let go and let the body’s sensory memory take over. This technique has freed many from stage fright and performance anxiety.

I believe we are able to give this technique a deeper meaning with the background discussed thus far. Simply emptying ourselves of distraction of thought while performing may help us display our mastery of craft, but it does not ensure we will be able to do Kingdom work through our talent. If we offer ourselves, and in this case our gifts, to God in service of the Kingdom and are enabled by His Spirit to commune with God while we are offering our best, I believe our work will be effective.

Worship leading is one such exercise. Musicians and other performing artists have the role and blessing of leading others in a worship service to encounter the Spirit of the Living God in a unique way. “Worship Leaders,” says Andy Park, “must first be worshippers.” One of my Houghton music professors was once asked how she was able to worship herself if she is always the worship leader. The students asked because the Houghton tradition of excellence tends to keep a person from offering music to God through the Spirit. (The Houghton tradition of excellence brings much to the Kingdom of God, but I think now that God does not desire so much to have our works as our lives.) The professor responded that she needs to feed herself in times of private worship rather than expect to be fed while she is tending to the technical matters of her offering to God in the corporate setting.

Now, Houghton’s general philosophy is that if we are working in God’s name, we should be very concerned with the quality of our work. Our work is, after all, an offering given to God just as our bodies are. And since Houghton is an institution of higher education, one would expect its focus to be on the quality of work performed. God certainly can use a routine or piece offered imperfectly. Why shouldn’t we, though, since we have a choice, participate with the Spirit rather than force the Spirit to work in spite of us?

The picture I have painted is helpful to a musician or performing artist. Lets take that concept and expand it.

Just as I have mentioned, everything we are involved in – every moment of our lives is to be offered to God as a sacrifice – our spiritual act of worship. This means that as we drive down a highway, take out the garbage, prepare a meal for a shut in, go about our vocation – all these things are to be done as unto the Lord. In a parallel fashion, I believe we are to be Spirit empowered as we offer God the works of our hands. God’s Spirit cleanses the vessel and the vessel, through God given abilites and talents as well as hard work and practice, is enabled to participate in true Kingdom work. In this way we are able to “put God first” in our lives.

Here is a helpful definition offered at a recent Wesleyan Church conference on the function of the Church in the world: “Worship is faith inspired, grace-enabled, life consuming responses to divine revelation and initiatives that glorify the Triune God and result in the sanctification of disciples in a life-style of reverence, holiness, fellowship, witness and service.”

Notes:
I am indebted to two authors and two specific works for most of my reflections on worship over the past few weeks. Watchman Nee’s work The Breaking of the Outer Man and the Release of the Spirit (some editors leave off the second half of the title) and Andy Park’s To Know You More, and from time to time I will refer to Harold Best’s work Music Through the Eyes of Faith and Barry Green’s The Inner Game of Music. Knowing Christ: Believing is the title of our Sunday School text. Ray E. Barnwell, Sr edited this first book in a four part series.

Dispensationalism and Historical Paradigms

A friend commented on my last post with a great question that was originally to be a comment to that post, but has now been given a home on my blog frontpage. Hopefully I haven't misstated any positions held by adherents to any of the ideologies addressed below. Feel free to correct me if I have.

Without having studied each of the dispensations proposed by any of its proponents, I will start by soapboxing with regard to the concept. Those who propose dispensationalism find eras in history where God not only acts differently toward humanity but expects different things from it. Most notably are the law v grace, Israel v Church dichotomies. Most people, myself included, will protest to the general concept of God changing. Dispensationalists state God is not changing but the way he expects humanity to react to him does. In the law period humans were expected to follow the law and share it with other nations. However - in the grace period we are told by Paul and the Gospel writers that God has now revealed a new plan through Christ.

So our Dispensationalist friends have two groups of people both loved of God and, since we are in the early 20th century (when dispensationalism hit the popular culture) we are hyper concerned with the afterlife and not the salvific implications of the here and now. Both groups need to get to heaven, but they are of different dispensations. This is why I believe there is such a strong tie between dispensationalists and pretrib rapture believers. The pretrib rapture lets the dispensationalist get rid of the church and let God appeal to his "chosen" nation one last time before armageddon.

This is poppycock. First there is the concept of the two Israels - the nation and the faith. The faith, also called the "remnant" is the group God's promises are given to. Paul tells us, the Church, that we are grafted, adopted into God's family through Christ. There is now no longer any distinction between Jew and Gentile, slave or free... Moreover, the promises given to Israel now belong to the faith Israel (the remnant) and the Church. God need not whisk away the Church while he deals with the Jews - the Jews will enter heaven by the only way God has established - through faith in Christ.

Now that is a diatribe to sum up my dispensationalist take. To relate the dispensations to the eras of human history is a bit of a stretch the more I think about it. Each paradigm in Church history has been brought about by outside stimuli. Communication revolutions, Scientific and Philosophical revolutions have given the face of human society many different looks. God given? I believe God has his hand on human history and perhaps He has purposes for these paradigms. That is where I lean.

People criticize Bush to this day on both sides of the argument: Bush didn't have a postwar plan for Iraq and he doesn't seem to be willing to listen to criticism about his current philosophy. I think this critique is healthy and good since Bush is a human being and subject to mistakes. No one expects a perfect being to change unless it decides to change. Bush = imperfect, the Church = ?

I tend to think the Church is not perfect. We have humans involved at varying degrees of surrender to God and as Uncle Screwtape will tell us - being in Church to him is better than a Christian not be. Wormwood has a better chance of using petty inadequacies of members to irrititate the "patient" and whiddle away at his/her faith.

Obviously I refer to the Church universal and not just a specific congregation, but I still think it is evolving simply because it is not perfect. The reason I assert any one paradigm is not better than any other is because I believe through each of these phases in human history we are able to add another lens to our historical time travel device and continue to refine our view of God and the significance of this "story we find ourselves in" as McLaren says. One area of reflection we can and should keep revisiting is the incarnation.

So...this Emergent Church thing. Basically a group of great thinkers is converging in this community to discuss the nature of the new paradigm they believe humans have entered and the way the church will look in this paradigm. There are Emergents from every denomination - they seek not to form a new church but to encourage dialog between denominations and cultures so we can breathe new life into the Church worldwide.

Communal Memory

While I was still in school I noticed that the same urban legends were passesd among the students. The same was true of jokes and secrets for bugging specific teachers. Today while subbing an AP Chemistry class (in most school systems the designation AP signifies the nationwide standard "Advanced Placement" tract some students are on - but not Presque Isle. AP in SAD1 means applied) the students were using the laptops to write single page synopsis of current events pertaining to Science. This would not normally be a chatting sort of event, but in this class it apparently was. The students were talking about this and that and then out popped the phrase - "I think the only big word I can spell is antidisestablishmentarianism."

Now this word is not used in any class that I know of - at least any that I took. The word is simply part of the communal memory of the Presque Isle High School student body.

Through time the memory is erased, however, or minds are changed. Pastor Matt was commenting on the idle drum set on the platform at church. He had hoped I was a drummer, but I am not. Some people in the church are opposed to having drums in the worship service so the current situation suits them just fine. This irritates the Pastor to no end. They did away with an organ recently and had the opposite fallout. Pastor would like to replace the organ with the drums. As he puts it - centuries ago when the first person put an organ in a church everyone revolted the "devil's instrument" was being placed in a holy cathedral.

My years-old fasenation with the Emergent movement addresses this memory. I am reading Ancient-Future Faith by Robert Webber. Webber says that we are in the middle of a paradigm shift from the postmodern (characterized by society holding science and reason of highest value) period to the postmodern (characterized by society holding community, symbol and mystery of highest value) period. There is nothing better about the postmodern period than the modern, or any other previous paradigm. I should also state that the Christian faith is not owned by any specific period.

Unlike McLaren, Webber does his best to focus our attention on the past to help us shape a postmodern faith. The values of postmodern society are most closely related to the first century - which was the era when the church was born. Webber would like us to study the "classical" church and learn what we can about how the faith was lived at that time so the church can relate better to current society. In this way we would jog our communal memory.

Finally Working!!

Today is my first day back to work since leaving the bank on December 29, 2006. I can't say just how my bills have been paid in this time (and there certainly are bills) but between refunds from services I had overpaid to Christmas money and now tax refunds I was able to hang in there.

This month ahs been quite something. I have read a few books, finished others, began attending my new home church and helping them out, and had PLENTY of quiet time to myself. All in all I think I will look back on this period of little to do with much fondness. A simple, quiet existence I can hardly look forward to, but I can certainly look to make those times I do have to myself slow. Slow is good.

My church - we don't have a web site so I cannot direct you there - my apologies. Easton Wesleyean Church is a great little community. It is growing by leaps and bounds and that growth has recently been natural - as in - through conversions. The senior pastor is Rev. Matthew Maxwell and he has an assistant - Pastor Vaughn Martin. Both guys are great and have their gifts engaged in their ministries.

Perhaps most remarkable of all is the men's group that meets once a week at Pastor Matt's house. It is a small group study intended to help mature men (in one of 20 areas) help those who are less mature. As it happens there are five or six of us guys and the conversations so far have been very productive.

One sad note - I have had to move yet again. Can't go into details here, but drop me a line and we can talk about it.

All for now - the bell is about to ring!

Moving

Growing up (unlike some friends) my family only moved one time, and the distance was hardly measurable in miles. Just down the road from Dad's house is the location of our first home - a humble little trailer.

Since moving back home from school in 2003 I have moved once a year, and this will be my third. Once a year isn't so frequent to be astonishing - but the fact that I find things I can toss as I prepare for each move does astonish me. I am much less a packrat now than I was as a child, but I still must have lots of that tendency in me.

My inspiration - one who took this journey just this fall. Katie E. packed her whole life into one car - or at least that was her intent when she began trimming her worldly posessions to move from the DC area a hundred miles or so to Seminary. I think a friend did end up helping her, but it is still an admirable goal. "If I can't take it to Kentucky, why bring it to Easton will be my test."

Oh - and to add to the pressure of this lovely Advent season (which Sunday I thought I might be able to enjoy like never before) my landlord has a chance to rent my apartment to a woman who will be evicted from her location on the 20th. So - I have just over two weeks to pack and relocate my life - and still get to travel an hour to work each way for a little more than a week once I am settled in.

Oh Lord - I need a job once I am moved. Help me see where/what it is when I should!

The End of the Beginning

For the last five weeks I have been teaching one of the adult Sunday School classes and I can't say just how much fun I have had. True - this responsibility is daunting - but this is a burden each of us should have at all times. This is perhaps the biggest blessing. Each day we live our lives should be with the sober realization that we are Christ to those around us.

And just what does that mean? I have lived until this year thinking I was supposed to live Christian values. People who see me living this way each day would then ask me about my source of grace and strength. Certainly God can work this way - but what must our lives look like before someone asks for our secret? We can't look just like the people we are surrounded by - that is for sure! I encourage anyone reading this post to read through the Sermon on the Mount (as it is called) and see just how radical our Christian ethic is.

Not only must we look different to the world, but it is imperative that we sound differently. I had lunch today with a father and son pair - the latter of whom is attending my Alma Mater begining in January. The father told today of one particular coworker who attends a well-respected evangelical church in town but can't keep his mouth quiet at work describing all the lascivious things he would do to this and that beautiful woman. "He should just stay home and watch cartoons or something on Sunday morning as go to church and act that way during the week" says the dad. Amen!

Among all this appropriate talk should be our Christian confession. How can someone believe unless they hear, and how can they hear unless they are told? I might spend some time talking about how or when to share this confession, but we would do well just to share at all!

This is the end of my tenure as a Sunday School teacher, but it is just the beginning. The toe has tested the water so-to-speak and I am just thrilled to continue on this journey.

Eeek!!!

So tonight I found out that my job has been given to someone else.

It is amazing that this surprises me. I guess by now I had figured I would have gotten rid of my car and "trimmed" the fat of the other unnecessary bills and expenditures in my life. I haven't really begun...

It would be amazing if anyone who reads this would say a prayer that I would find a job to keep me for 10 months or so - and that I would be able to take care of my bills, replace my rediculously over-the-top car, figure out how to get to Kentucky, where to live in Kentucky, how to pay for Asbury, etc.

Put that way it sounds like I don't know what is going on...

Gender in Society, Romance

So I just finished a book on men's purity called every man's battle. The book has become a staple for men's groups, men's pastors, and really any man who is struggling with purity issues. Aside from its practical content on this subject, the authors also touch on something I have been thinking about lately.

Chapter 17 (Yes, there are seventeen chapters in this 200-page book) is titled "Cherishing Your One and Only." The term "cherish" is explored a bit. To the authors, a wife is a blessing to a husband and should be treated as such. As a picture of the opposite of cherishing, we are told of Nathan's confrontation of King David after he has killed Uriah, Bathsheba's husband. A poor man's precious ewe lamb was taken from him by a rich man who didn't want to slaughter one of his own lambs for to feed a traveler. (2 Samuel 12.1-4) The poor man thought of this lamb as if it were his own daughter, and although the rich man had plenty of livestock, he still took it. The authors say of this story "The rich man in the story represented David, who saw Bathsheba only as someone he could devour to satisfy his sexual longings, but Uriah, "the poor man," saw his "lamb" as the joy of his life, his pet to cherish, to sleep in his arms. Uriah had only one wife; a faithful man like him could have only one. His ewe lamb, Bathsheba, bounced and pranced and frolicked and laughed with him, bringing him great joy."

Now, men and women are not the same. Otherwise, we would be just "humans" and we would all go about our lives much differently. I also realize that egalitarianism, feminism, and the like are recent movements, although proponents cite even Jesus' incredible elevation of the status of women in the first century AD. What I am aware of in the feminist debate mostly is the use of language, since that is the place most of us in the dark on this subject are introduced to it. In my case, of the gender neutral language in the greek texts and how it differs from the english versions of the Bible we have today. Of the Bible scholars who are now rendering "people" or "persons" in translations instead of "all men" in order to capture the neutrality of the universal nature of the original meaning. Of the objection of some feminists to be refered to as "lady" as the term was used originally to refer to the trophy-wife of aristocrats.

I can respect these things, although I understand not all women are to this extreme in their feminist thought. What confuses me is whether wives expect to be treated as they are in their marriage the same way their fathers treated them. Nathan speaks of the poor man's relationship to his ewe lamb - it delighted him as it pranced and played, and he loved it like a daughter. The authors of the book go on to talk about how men should cherish their wives as the poor man, faithful as he was, cherished his ewe lamb. Is this truly how women want to be treated? In my observation of father-daughter relationships I can honestly say I don't see fathers respecting their daughters the way I anticipate my wife will want to be respected - for her creativity, her passion, her intelligence and wit - her captivation of my passion.

Maybe I ponder this (apparent) dichotomy because I am not married. Men - is it all much easier than I imagine? Women - how is it you expect your husbands to love and cherish you?

Thanks Sally Field

What kind of love has a man if he gives nothing up for it?

From Sally Field's Character, Nora, on Brothers and Sisters

Random Ramblings

I find myself in a funk. Time to type myself out!

I have been out of a relationship for five years. This came to my attention in the last few days. Five years is a LONG time. It comprises almost 20% of my life to this point. The funny thing is I haven't cared to be in a relationship since. The first few years (yes, I said YEARS) I was still healing over the breakup. Then my friend Jeff took a liking to a certain girl...

Jeff met his future bride in June. She was invited to pick rocks on his farm so he could get to know her better. We all should have known there was something wrong with her when she agreed. They were inseparable for the summer. If they weren't picking rocks or cleaning the farm shop on rainy days, they were together in his tractor hoeing until the wee hours of the morning. Soon the summer was over and she needed to go back for her fifth year at school to try and finish her associates degree. Before she left there was a ring on her finger and they had set a date for 12 months from then to be married.

Twelve months turned to four and by January they were married. By February they were separated and he had a restraining order against him. In October they had their first child and Jeff has hardly seen the baby since. The child is now a year old and it is officially from a broken home.

Pain. Pain is something we share with others. It is inflicted on others or borne by good friends. I still can feel the pain caused by my parents divorce. A story will bring it back or maybe a walk down memory lane. The story that brought me back to my pain was shared by a new friend tonight.

Her parents were married happily for 35 years when he turned his back on the church and left his wife and their family. I related my own story - parents divorced when I was in grade school. Our stories are similar, but the freshness of her experience was very startling. She didn't say much about it, but I could feel it. I could feel it when she guardedly made her platonic intentions known when I first contacted her. I could feel it when she matter-of-factly told me she did not care where her father was.

Living alone keeps a person in a bubble. (OK everyone - I am finally getting to my point) Until I finally got ahold of my new friend it had been five years since I went somewhere with a relatively new friend to do something fun. It was refreshing. What I hadn't anticipated was a sort of depression to follow our very funny movie (we saw Open Season - have to recommend it) that haunts me as I plan to head out tomorrow to a friend's wedding in NH.

My bubble is a cocoon of my own design. I like things easy. I hate drama and those who stir it up. I have effectively created a little world where I can escape the petty family fights, the stress of work and most of all, the pain of relationships gone bad. While I am often able to throw off depression with sheer will (in High School I found that doing happy things makes a person happy eventually - whistling, singing, etc.), one cannot throw off a person's burden for them. My new friend is in the early stages of recovering from this life altering episode. A true friend experiences that pain and agony alongside the afflicted one. Goodbye, bubble!

Funny my last post was about sharing one another's burdens. Funny also how if my new friend had shared that burden with a person who had no experience with divorce would have not been nearly as affected. Her burden has now become mine to wrestle with as well.

This funk is very similar to those I first experienced in Houghton. I could be having a perfectly good evening and then - like a light switch - I needed to remove myself from others because I couldn't handle the crowds, the chaos - the others. Although not a frequent occurrence, it was startling. The funk I am in now is similar, but more severe. I feel overwhelming pain, but not my own. I haven't felt badly about my family situation for almost fifteen years.

My only comfort is that these funks didn't usually last until morning. Hopefully this is the case again today, because I have to drive to NH and help friends celebrate their holy union.

Lord - help me be ever mindful of the ways I alter the lives of others. May I bring healing and never destruction or pain. May I bear burdens without creating them. May I depend on Jesus for strength, and see clearly who God uses to bring comfort when I need it.